You Made It, Then?

Look, I've been waiting here for ages. I was just about to go out, actually. But now you're here, I'll put the kettle on and you can just have a look around. Play with the toys, read the books, generally make yourself at home.

No you can't sit there. And no, you can't watch the telly. This is a literary salon, you see. Those things on the shelves are called 'books'. A bit old-fashioned, yes, but they're nice to hold, and sometimes interesting to read. And they work in the bath.

I'm sorry, it's not my fault you don't have a bath. No, books won't work in the shower. Not for long, anyway.

No, there isn't a manual. I'll show you how they work. Open the cover like this. Okay? Now read the words.

What do you mean, it's very short? You have to turn the page, there's more words.

No, no, no. You turned the book over. Look, you slip your finger under the corner of the page, then flip it, like this. Clever hey?

What? You prefer reading on-screen, with scroll-bars and hyperlinks and stuff? Unbelievable. Okay. Here's The Theory and Practice of Snogging. And here's Tybalt & Theo. Enjoy.

Oh, and the rumours are true: all my books begin with a T.